Dads are great!

To my kids, 

I hope you recognize some of these people! Weren't we all so cute back then?

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." The Family: A Proclamation to the World

 I want you guys to know how much I love your dad. He has been such a great father and husband. I hope you guys look to his example when you think of fatherhood.

From the Proclamation we learn that fathers are to preside, provide, and protect. I'm sure that seems like such a huge responsibility. But, as you look back at that first quote, it says that mothers and fathers are to help each other as "equal partners". Remember, in the parent/family relationship, one partner is not better or more important than the other. Always remember to work together as a couple when raising your family.

I hope you don't look at the examples in the media when you think of fatherhood. Fathers on TV these days seem to be bumbling idiots...the more bumbling and idiotic, the better. It is sad that this would be the view presented of fathers to the world. That isn't what I want you guys to think fatherhood is.

Boys, I want you to know how important it is to be a father and to work hard to raise righteous children. From my textbook,

"While many factors affect a father's motivation and involvement, research suggests that the quality of a father's relationship with a child's mother is perhaps the "secret ingredient" that makes the fathering recipe work best for most men and their children. The optimal environment for this fathering partnership to take place is a healthy marriage."

So the most important this you can do as a father is to love your children's mother. I hope you have paid attention to the example your dad has given you. He is a great help to me in the home. He definitely works with me as an equal partner in raising you guys. I don't think I could've asked for a better man to be you dad!

As I worked on this post on a chilly Saturday morning, way later in the semester than I meant to, I put it away unfinished when it was time for General Conference. I now think that doing that was inspired. During the Sunday morning session of Conference, Elder D. Todd Christofferson gave an excellent talk on fathers and fatherhood.  Please, go and listen to it again and remember the important role that fathers play in each and every family.

Never forget your dad and I love you!

The importance of the Temple in family life

To my kids,

I want you all to know how important the temple and the covenants that your dad and I made there, are to me. Almost 24 years ago, your dad and I joined hands across the altar in a sealing room in the Salt Lake Temple and made covenants to each other and to God and started this wonderful eternal family of ours. 

Some of the family and friends who joined us that day!

Knowing that our family is able to be together forever because of the covenants we've made has made it easier to push through the tough times in our life. It also helps me to know that you guys will be able to be with us forever if you can also persevere. 

I love that, for the last 10 years the Houston Temple has been within our ward boundaries. That is so amazing to me. Of course, with the most recent boundary change it is no longer the case, but I enjoy having it so close. I drive by it any time I have to take you guys to the doctor. I drive by it when I head to my part-time subbing job and the Methodist preschool. I will sometimes purposely take the route that goes by when I need to go somewhere on 1960. I love to see it! 

I wish your dad and I had set a better example of regular temple attendance for you guys. I think we, like many others, fell into the "it's so close, we can go anytime" thinking...except we don't make the time to go as often as we should. In some ways, it was easier when it was a 3 hour trip down to Denver. 

Andrew, I loved being there in the temple with you the first time you went before your mission. It was such a special, sacred event. I hope I am able to share that event with all of you kids!

I found this image on pinterest and it really struck me.

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It is so true. I'm not sure the covenants we make in the temple will help us if we don't return to our homes and keep them. We need to always be following what the Lord would have us do. And, if there is a time in your life where that just seems too hard to do, know that your dad and I will always be praying for you and holding strong to our covenants. Also remember, from my textbook,

"Regardless of the nature of the trials faced in mortality, there is no greater comfort than the knowledge that the Savior's Atonement is for all humankind who will accept him."

The temple helps to lead us to our Heavenly Father and to more fully accept the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He came to sacrifice himself so that we all may live with him and our Heavenly Father again.

Here's an awesome quote from Elder Scott,

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Never forget that your dad and I love you!

Focus on Family Faith

To my kids, 

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Faith is such a big part of our family life. I appreciate that none of you (so far) gave us any problems about going to church each week. I know there are families that have to deal with that, but it hasn't been a problems for us. I'm glad that you guys know how important it is for us to worship together as a family.

We haven't always done everything that we've needed to do in our family. FHE has been a hard thing for us to be consistent with. We did much better when Grandma and Grandpa Ray were here to give us a boost with that. Family scripture study has also been something that we struggle with. It is hard to find a time that will work for everyone's schedule. I know some families do their scripture time before their older kids leave for seminary, but I am just not coherent enough that early in the morning. We have done a pretty good job having our family prayers, at least at night, so that's a plus for us. :-)

I want you to know that your dad and I have worked hard to have our couple scripture study and prayer each day. Some days it is really hard, but we know it's important for our family. We read in the Book of Mormon every night before we go to bed and then we have our couples prayer together. I know that this had helped us feel closer to one another and to you guys.

From my text book, it says, 

"Kind, loving behavior by parents seems to facilitate the ability of a child to conceive of (and believe in) a loving God, while hostile parenting practices seem to dispel a child's faith in the benevolent supreme being."

I hope that your dad and I have been able to show you, through our example, the love that your Heavenly Father has for you. I'm sure it doesn't always come across like it should, but you should know that we love you and your Heavenly Father loves you, too!

One thing we need to work on, and that our church leaders have been focusing on lately, is doing a better job at keeping the Sabbath day holy. It's not like we are doing anything wrong, but we could be doing better. There are so many ideas out there of things that we could do on the Sabbath that would help to bring the spirit into our home more fully. I have made some half-hearted attempts to do them, but nothing every sticks. I found this list of "fun" Sunday activities on a blog and have pasted it her. There are some great ideas! I know it's hard now that we got switched to 1pm church (at least it wasn't 3pm, right Sami?) so maybe we can work on doing some of these things. I know that working harder to keep the Sabbath day holy will help all of us be closer to one another and closer to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

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There are a lot of ideas out there on what you can't do on Sunday. I know when you're young it's easy to focus on the "can'ts" but I challenge you to think about all the things you can do on the Sabbath. I'd bet you come up with a much longer list! (trust me...just look on pinterest!)

Never forget that your dad and I love you!

Family Prayer

To my kids, 

I want you to know how important prayer is for me and for our family. Prayer is how we are able to talk to God, to tell him of our trials and triumphs, of our struggles and joys, it is how we petition him for blessings that we need in our lives.

Prayer is an important part of marriage. When we marry in the temple we make covenants to each other and to God. He should be an active member of the relationship.

In my text book it says,

"Prayer is the means by which individuals may invite God to play an active role in their relationship...As individuals pray specifically for the well-being of their partner, they come to perceive their relationship with this person as being holy and sacred"

I truly believe that our Heavenly Father wants us to think of our marriages of being holy and sacred. 
 

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I am glad that we have been able to make family prayer a priority in our family. Even when there are arguments over whose turn it is to pray we all know that the important thing is that we do pray. It's been great to see how you guys learn to express yourselves when it is your time to pray. I have loved hearing Jay pray, when he tries to use the phrasing that dad or I use and it doesn't come out quite right, but we all know what he's trying to say.

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Please, when you have your own families, make sure that family prayer is a priority. Praying with and for each other can only bring you closer together.

Never forget that dad and I love you!

Blessings of work

To my kids, 

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Work, ugh, right? I know that sound you are making. It's the sound I hear every time I ask someone if they've done their chores, or if they can set the table, or switch the laundry. Yeah, that sound!

"Is family work a God-ordained necessary evil? Or do we ignore its true nature? In fact, ordinary household work that is often considered a waste of time can be a time of closeness and fun that strengthens family bonds and develops Christlike virtues...

Family work provides endless opportunities to recognize and fill others' needs. It thus teaches us to love and serve one another, inviting us to be like Jesus Christ...

Few things in life are as small , simple, or of seemingly little value as the everyday tasks we do for family members."

I know you guys hate that I make you do things around the house, but these statements from my text book give a little glimpse into my reasoning. I want you to see how serving someone, even someone in your own family, can make you feel. It helps us get a small hint of what our Savior has done for us. Serving one another brings us closer to him. Also, I want you to be able to take care of yourselves when you no longer live with dad and me.  I know that doing your own laundry, loading/unloading the dishwasher (we still need to work on hand washing dishes!), and cleaning the bathroom is no fun at all, but those whom you will live with in the future will be glad that you have these skills.

I think part of why we should work together as a family is so we can spend that time together doing something constructive rather than just staring at the television. Not that TV and movie watching isn't good family time, it can be, but there are other things we can do together as a family that will help us grow closer to one another. Working together, be it in the house, or in the yard, or in serving someone else, gives us time to talk to one another and maybe share things that we haven't had an opportunity to discuss before. Doing mundane tasks like hand washing dishes or pulling weeds, gives you mind an opportunity to wander and ponder on things in your life.

I hope you guys enjoy spending time with Dad or me when we ask you to help us do something. I know it's usually pulling you away from something much more important, but please know that we ask for you help because we need it, or we just want to spend time with you. Don't ever give up that chance. And, please remember that when you are parents. Kids don't stay little too long, get your time in while you can. I still remember my brothers and I fighting over who would get to go to the dump with grandpa. I really don't think it was because the dump was such an exciting place, I think it was more because then we could spend time with grandpa one-on-one.
 

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Never forget that your dad and I love you!

Wholesome family recreation

To my kids, 

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I don't know about you, but whenever I hear that line from the Proclamation, "wholesome recreational activities" I think of being outdoors, camping, hiking, etc. All that stuff that we, as a family, haven't done much of in the last few years. Maybe it's where we live; Maybe it's how "busy" we've gotten; Maybe that's not really what it means!!

I love the time we are able to spend together. Yes, we may not be out hiking or bike riding, but I think having family game night at home is a great wholesome recreational activity. Also, as a family we spend a lot of time swimming. I loved the couple of years when all you guys were on the summer league swim team. That was a great way to spend some family time together. Actually I enjoy pretty much any time we are able to spend together as a family. It doesn't matter what we're doing as long as we are spending time together. Taking time to doing things together as a family helps us to grow closer to one another and can help us be happier in our family.

You were all so cute back then. Divisionals June 2012

I want you all to know how much I truly do love you. I am so glad I am your mom and I get to see you grow into righteous daughter and sons of our Heavenly Father. 

Never forget that your dad and I love you!

 

Building on a strong foundation

To my kids,

My google search for "strengthening marriage" had 3 separate entries that would take you to lds.org. That is certainly refreshing after my search results for "dating".

I love that I can go to the Church leaders when there is something that I am wondering about or a topic that I'd like to share with you. In my textbook (Successful Marriages and Families) is a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball from 1976, talking about marriage. He said,

While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person.

Also from my textbook here's some advice from Elder Bednar about how focusing on Christ can help a strengthen a marriage.

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Marriage is hard. I think anytime you have two people who have been raised differently, even if it is within the Church, you are going to have two different ideas of how to do things. Of course, that doesn't mean that one way is better than the other, they're just different. You will need to make an effort to find your own way of doing things as a couple.

Marriage takes commitment. You need to be willing to work for what you want and do all you can to make it work. In the text, Elder Bruce C. Hafen says,

When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they're receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent. But covenant companions each give 100 percent. Enough and to spare. Each gives enough to cover any shortfall by the other.

Both spouses are not always strong at the same time. They can't always give 100 percent. When one is feeling depleted, the other spouse steps up to cover the difference. Just keep working together towards your common goal.

Make sure you are building your marriage on a foundation of love and friendship. Make sure you are communicating positively with one another. And, life will get hectic and busy, but never stop dating each other. Take the time to connect with one another, even if it is just a walk around the block. Talk to your spouse and continue to grow together.

Never forget that your dad and I love you!

Duncan, S. F. & Zasukha, S. M. (2012) Foundational Processes for an Enduring, Healthy Marriage.  In Hawkins, A. J., Dollahite, D. C. & Draper, T. W. (eds.), Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 27-37). Provo, UT: BYU Studies

Being (not finding) the right person

To my kids,  

 

(As much as I dislike Gloria Steinem and her views on men and women, this is right on point!)

In my textbook this semester it talks about having the right approach to marriage and the lists we all make to find Mr. or Ms. Right. In chapter 1, the author quotes Elder Bednar who said,

"The "list" is not for evaluating someone else--the list is for you and what you need to become. And  so if there are three primary characteristics that [you] hope to find in an eternal companion, then those are the three things [you] ought to be working to become. then [you] will be attractive to someone who has those things...You are not on a shopping spree looking for the greatest value with a series of characteristics. You become what you hope your spouse will be and you'll have a greater likelihood of finding that person."

How true that is. At this time in your lives you should be working to become the person you want to be and trying to acquire those traits you are looking for in a spouse. Focus on what you can do for yourself before you start looking for someone else.

When it does come time to start looking for "the one", remember that you are looking for an Eternal Companion, not a soul mate. Again from the text, President Kimball said,

"Soul mates are fiction and illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price." 

 Make sure you are doing what you can to be the right person, then it will be easier to find the right person.

Never forget that your dad and I love you! 

Carroll, J.S. (2012) Young adulthood and pathways to eternal marriage.  In Hawkins, A. J., Dollahite, D. C. & Draper, T. W. (eds.), Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 3 - 15). Provo, UT: BYU Studies

Dating: why it's important

To my kids, 

I was looking for some "worldly" view on dating to contrast with some of the things that our church leaders have said and made the mistake of typing "Dating" into Google. Actually, I'm not sure if it was a mistake or if it was the worldly view I was looking for. What I found were multiple ads for online dating sites and an entry for "dating" in Wikipedia. I also tried typing "Successful dating" and pretty much got the same results, along with a few links to articles about successful dating at Match.com and eharmony.com. Have we gone so far that the only way young adults can get dates these days is through a dating site? I certainly hope not!

I did manage to find an article in Psychology Today with tips for dating success (found here) but is that how far we've come? I know that dating in high school is not like it was when I was in school. I'm not sure exactly what changed, but I do know it's different. Somewhere along the way, teenagers got it into their minds that it wasn't okay just to date, you have to DATE. Instead of being simple and fun, it became a huge overdone production. I hope you are able to find friends who are interested in making dating fun and simple again.

We've been counseled by our leaders (recently Elder Oaks) that we need to make a concerted effort to date and not just hang out. Dating gives you the opportunity to get to know someone one-on-one, not just who they are with the group. Take/make the time to find someone you want to date and then do it!

Somebody much smarter than me has compiled a list of 14 dating tips from the prophets and apostles. you can find it here--Dating tips from apostles

Here's another site that includes some dating rules with explanations from church publications. I'm really not sure I agree with everything on this list but it is a good place to start when making dating rules for yourself. And, anything on here you can ask me about...I will give you an honest answer as to my feelings. Dating Rules? 

Here's another blog post that has great dating advice. 10 Old-Fashioned dating habits

Always remember that your Heavenly Father loves you and he wants what's best for you. If you ask, even in dating, he will give you the guidance that you need!

Never forget that your dad and I love you!

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

I am posting on this blog again as a project for my FAML 100 class at BYUI. This is a project on The Family: A Proclamation to the World which was given in September of 1995. President Hinckley read the Proclamation during the General Relief Society meeting that year. I was a young mother of less than a year at that time and I wondered why the Lord thought we needed to have a document that spelled out his thoughts on the family when that was what most of the world believed at the time. Well, through the last 20 years, we have seen many of the world's views on the family and men and women's roles in the family change. I hope with my posts on this topic I can show my children what I believe and what I know is important for them to know about what Heavenly Father wants for our families.

The Proclamation can be found here.